Sex life is often an awkward topic to discuss, even if we do not have many taboos compared to other generations.
People typically do not like to discuss what happens in bed, which is entirely understandable.
Nobody should give unsolicited comments about how others prefer sex and what turns them on.
That is why most people won’t discuss with others their sexless marriage, especially if they stopped having sex some time ago.
Why do couples stop having sex? In most cases, there are multiple reasons instead of only one.
The problem complicates further if they do not talk about it. So, the first step to solving the problem is identifying the causes. That is why we wrote this article to answer why couples stop having sex. Moreover, we’re giving you a few tips and recommendations.
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Top 7 reasons couples stop having sex
1. Exhaustion and routine
Sexual health in married couples is more difficult if you usually have long and tiring days at work. It doesn’t mean that your relationship and marriage are intrinsically in danger. The desire for your partner is probably eclipsed by stress, anxiety, and tiredness.
Stress is a boner killer because adrenaline and cortisol counters relaxation in the penile arteries. In such cases, you could also fall into the trap of daily routine. When sex is done the same way repeatedly, couples may stop feeling sexual satisfaction.
The problem is that they engage in the same script and stop worrying about surprising or pleasing their partner in new ways. Thus, it is important to keep up sexual motivation, knowing that it’s more likely to diminish in a longer relationship.
RELATED: Sex Therapy 101: Things You’d Wish You’d Known Sooner.
2. Discomfort when they have sex
Couples in a marriage may not have regular sex if one of them feels discomfort during sexual intercourse. This usually happens to women, especially after menopause.
In this phase, estrogen levels go very low, and they no longer produce the same lubrication as before. This would affect their sex life and maybe even reduce their libido.
But it is not because senior women are not meant to have sex. They can still feel intense pleasure with their partner if they lubricate more and find alternative ways to please each other.
In some cases, men could also feel discomfort during sexual activity. Roughly 1% in 5% of men have pain during sexual intercourse. When left unmanaged, the condition can profoundly impact body image, relationships, mental, and physical health.
3. Lack of trust
Are you communicating daily with your partner? Communication is essential, especially in a long-term relationship like a marriage.
As the name implies, sexual intimacy requires trusting each other. If there is a barrier in the relationship, it may also reflect your sexual activity.
Maybe the reason you’ve stopped having sex is not that you have a low sex drive. Perhaps all you need is to work out problems and talk about intimate things to rebuild trust with your partner.
Many couples have seen improvements after talking about apparently unrelated things mining their confidence and destroying their sexual life. However, if the communication is severely breached and you don’t know how to communicate complicated feelings, you may want to look for professional help.
4. Conflicts and anger
This item has the same foundation as the above but develops differently. There will always be some conflict over small or very significant matters in a relationship. But if they are not resolved promptly through effective communication, resentment and anger build up and may destroy your marriage and take away the sexual desire.
So, if you really care about your relationship, it is essential to talk about conflicts with your partner. According to studies, sexual problems are more common in couples who do not feel happy with the marriage. The opposite is also true because sexual dysfunction rates go down as they resolve conflicts and feel satisfied with each other.
RELATED: Sexless Marriage? How To Help Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late.
5. Chronic disease post-surgical recovery
There is a physical cause of sexual problems and low libido in some cases. Patients with chronic disease may experience a lower sex drive as a part of the disease.
Diabetes, cancer, and other chronic health problems may also cause tiredness and other symptoms that get in the way of your sexual behavior.
This is also the case after surgery or trauma, especially if erectile dysfunction is one of the expected side effects.
Mental health problems have a similar effect, especially depression, which may get in the way of the relationship and affect yourself and your partner.
All of these factors usually come together as we age. Is it that seniors do not think about sex, or is it more that feeling unwell gets in the way of sexuality? Clinical experience appears to point out the latter.
6. Medications and sexual dysfunction
Some medications may also get in the way of your libido and reduce your sex drive. In some cases, they could have erectile dysfunction as a side effect. In other cases, they cause a reduction in libido.
Either way, talk to your doctor if you feel that sex is getting difficult after using a new drug. Consider the possibility if you’re taking multiple medications, and look for solutions with your doctor if your relationship or marriage is in trouble.
RELATED: 5 Common Medications That Can Ruin Your Sex Life.
7. Feeling uncomfortable about your body
Your partner might not have a problem with your body but theirs. As a result, they could stop being receptive. It may not lead to a sexless relationship but reduce the frequency of sex.
How would you suspect that this is the case in your marriage? Ask yourself if your partner has complained about their looks or experienced changes in their body recently.
Ask your partner about their feelings and try to figure out if this is the case. If you have a communicative relationship, your sex life and physical intimacy will slowly return to normal. If they do not, you could consider looking for professional help.
Tips for improving intimacy
As a couple, if you have this sexual problem, there is still a lot you can do to regain sexual satisfaction and save your relationship:
- Sex therapy could be what you need. In some cases, it isn’t easy to talk about these topics. Sometimes the communication skills in the couple are not the best, and they could use the help of a sex therapist.
- Changing the script sometimes works fantastically to bring back the initial spark. Try something new, and don’t be afraid of sex toys, oral sex, and anal sex. Try them if you’re curious and your partner agrees. You could also look for alternative ways to impress your partner and create a romantic environment more often.
- If your sexual performance dropped after starting therapy with a new drug, look for medical advice before changing your treatment. Similarly, if you believe that a chronic condition or the side effects of surgery are getting in the way, talk to your partner and your doctor about what is happening.
Conclusion
Why do couples stop having sex? Sexual frequency is sometimes a complex topic because there are many variables to consider.
It can be that you and your partner are exhausted every night or have adopted habits and very tight routines. In these cases, you stimulate sexual desire by surprising and pleasing your partner more often.
In a marriage, communication is vital for many things. Sexual pleasure in a couple is more pronounced if they feel happy with each other. So, try to solve problems and do not let negative feelings accumulate. If you need help communicating negative feelings without hurting your partner, look for a therapist.
Some physical problems can also get in the way. For example, you could have a health problem or suffer the side effects of certain drugs. After surgery, you could experience erectile dysfunction as an adverse event. Talk to your doctor about it if you think this is the case.
Even happy couples sometimes have periods of abstinence, but they are usually not very long. In any case, if you think you have a sexual issue, break the silence and share how you feel with your partner. Maybe you’re not the only one who felt that way, and you can figure out a solution together.
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