8 Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually Anymore & What to Do

If you’re reading this, chances are that you’ve been feeling a little “off” in the bedroom lately. 

Maybe there’s been less sex because he’s not making the first move, and you’re wondering if he is still attracted to you.

We all love to feel wanted, and it can take a huge toll on your self-esteem when it seems like your man is not interested in you sexually. 

Pop culture makes it seem like men constantly want sex. 

But it’s actually quite common for men to experience a decrease in their sexual desire for reasons that have nothing to do with you or your relationship.

In this article, we take a look at the most typical signs that a man doesn’t want you sexually and discuss what you can do about it.

Signs he doesn’t want you sexually

If a man is not feeling drawn to you sexually, there are some telltale signs he will give off:

1) Shifted focus on other interests

When a man is attracted to you, he will prioritize spending time with you. 

It may be a warning sign if he repeatedly starts to value working out, watching TV, or even doing chores over spending quality time with you.

He may try to avoid spending time with you in even the most subtle of ways. For example, by going to bed at a different time than when you do.

2) Does not initiate sex

It may be a sign of a decreasing interest in physical intimacy if he stops making moves to initiate sex or withdraws from all forms of physical intimacy, like hugs, kisses, and other tender touches.

3) Rejects you on a regular basis

While it’s possible for your partner to “not be in the mood” occasionally, continuous rejection may be a sign of waning sexual interest.

4) Doesn’t notice physical changes

Is he no longer complimenting your new hairstyles or new outfits? 

If he is not noticing your attempts to dress up and make yourself look more attractive, he’s probably lost interest.

5) Keeps sex brief and is detached

If you are feeling some distance, even during the most intimate of moments, it’s possible that his interest has waned. 

Maybe he is no longer putting effort into sex. There’s no foreplay, and it feels forced, like a chore that he is just trying to get out of the way. 

If he’s interested in you sexually, pleasing you would be his first and ultimate concern. 

He would want to spend as much time as possible on being intimate with you.

6) Avoids the subject of intimacy

It may be a sign that he’s not into you sexually if he rarely or never strikes up a conversation about sex or he always has an excuse ready.

When partners don’t address their sexual needs, desires, and boundaries, it could mean that they are slowly losing interest in the relationship.

7) He is more irritable

Are you arguing all the time and talking less often? Is he picking fights over the littlest of things? 

He may be doing this to push you away and reduce the chances of having moments of intimacy.

8) He doesn’t give verbal affirmations and compliments

If he used to speak to you in a romantic and loving manner but is now silent or uninterested, he may not be experiencing the same level of sexual attraction.

Why doesn’t he want me sexually anymore?

If you’ve noticed some or all of the above signs, your next question may be, “Why?”

Let’s take a look at some possible reasons why your husband or partner doesn’t want you sexually anymore:

Lower sex drive

A mismatch of sex drives in relationships is quite common. 

Maybe you were not able to keep your hands off each other at the start of the relationship because of the thrill of it being new. 

But with time, it has become increasingly obvious that he has a lower sex drive than you.

Low testosterone

Sometimes, a low sex drive might be a sign of low testosterone levels.

Testosterone is a male sex hormone that controls many male functions, such as sex drive, sperm production, and facial hair distribution.

Male hypogonadism refers to a condition in which a man’s body cannot produce normal levels of testosterone. 

This could either be because of a problem with the testicles or the pituitary gland, which controls the release of testosterone by the testicles.

Mental health problems

A decreased interest in sex may be an early sign of mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. 

In one study that involved 56 depressed men, up to 62.5% of them reported sexual dysfunction.

Performance anxiety

Your man’s disinterest in sex may be a result of sexual performance anxiety. This refers to having worries or fears about certain aspects of sex. 

He may worry about not being able to please you, not getting an erection, not ejaculating quickly enough or taking too long to ejaculate, not looking good naked, etc.

The fear of these things may cause him to completely avoid having sex with you rather than to feel like a failure.

Issues in the relationship

Your partner’s desire for sex may be affected if you are experiencing persistent problems in your relationship, such as:

• Increased arguments
• Trust issues
• Inability to reach an agreement on some basic issues
• Interference from people outside of your relationship
• Completely different communication styles

Body image

Some problems during sex have been shown to be associated with body image in men. Men are subjected to unrealistic beauty standards by the media and diet culture. 

They can also develop anxiety and problems with their body image, especially if they have experienced a change in their physical appearance due to weight gain or loss, surgery, an injury, etc.

Stress

A decrease in libido may be a sign that he is overburdened with responsibilities. It could be unemployment issues, family drama, childcare, a death in the family, financial strain, and a host of other stressors in life. 

For every gender, stress can be a major contributor to decreased libido and desire for sex.

He’s sexually bored

When you’re in a committed relationship, it’s quite normal for your sexual desire for each other to wane. 

This is partially due to the change in brain chemistry that occurs when you settle into familiarity and leave behind the dopamine and oxytocin rush, often referred to as “the honeymoon period.”

It could be that he has erotic needs that aren’t being met, and he’s tired of getting caught in a sexual routine. 

He may be someone who has previously struggled to maintain a committed relationship due to boredom in relationships.

A broken emotional connection

Your boyfriend might not want to be intimate with you if you aren’t attending to his emotional needs.

It’s possible that you two have grown apart, and he doesn’t feel a bond that sparks his desire to have sex with you.

Given that the media often portrays men as people who do not connect sex with emotions, this may seem odd.  

However, a lot of men need to have a deep emotional bond with their partners to experience satisfaction with their sexual desires. 

It can be difficult to pique his sexual interest when there is a lack of this connection.

Health issues

Physical illness is very stressful, and it may affect his desire for sex. It could be a chronic condition, a health scare, a recent diagnosis that has required hospitalization, or endless testing and trips to see different doctors.

Certain diseases, like hypertension and diabetes, can affect the blood vessels in the penis and lead to erectile dysfunction.

Various drugs, such as some anti-hypertensives and anti-depressants, are also associated with sexual dysfunction.

Recent trauma

A person’s emotional and psychological health can be significantly affected by trauma, which can result in symptoms like anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Trauma can cause a person to become disconnected from their body and emotions, which makes having sex difficult. 

Your boyfriend might find it difficult to feel pleasure or to connect with you sexually if he feels numb, detached, or dissociated from his body.

His needs are being met elsewhere

While it may be difficult to hear, your partner may be getting his needs met elsewhere if his desire for sex with you suddenly disappears.

It might be through an unhealthy habit of binge-watching porn, sexting someone else, or having sex with another person.

What to do when your partner doesn’t want you sexually anymore

Although it can be disheartening when you start thinking, “My husband or boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in me sexually,” there are many solutions to the possible problems. 

You can rekindle the passion in your relationship in the following ways:

1) Communicate

Effective communication is crucial when trying to solve sexual problems. It may help to have these conversations in places outside the bedroom, such as in the kitchen, during dinner, or while taking a stroll.

Talking while walking side by side or sitting on a couch is another way to help make it less scary. This helps to reduce eye contact that may seem threatening or confrontational.

Also, keep an empathetic tone and energy. When bringing up the subject, maintain an open, nonjudgmental, sympathetic tone of voice and demeanor.

2) Spice things up in the bedroom

As mentioned, it’s normal for sexual desire to wane in long-term relationships. One way to combat this is to continuously spice things up and avoid settling into a sexual routine.

There are so many ways to do this. Take the initiative, explore each other’s fantasies, change the usual scenery, try new positions, role play, buy sexy lingerie, or learn a seductive dance.

3) Flirt more

Start flirting with each other again. Compliment him often. Tell him how much you appreciate him and how attractive you still think he is.

4) Surprise him with a romantic gesture

Women aren’t the only ones who appreciate romantic gestures. Men enjoy being romanced too! 

Once in a while, try giving your partner a romantic gesture as a surprise. A small gesture of your affection might be all he needs to rekindle the flame between you two.

5) Use “I” statements

Tell your boyfriend of your feelings and the effect it is having on your relationship without making him feel like he’s at fault. 

Using accusatory statements that put all the blame on him may just worsen things by making him feel defensive and starting a round of arguments. 

This is especially problematic if you are dating a guy with performance anxiety.

6) Engage in non-sexual acts of intimacy

There are numerous ways to experience intimacy without having sex. 

Increase your non-sexual physical contact by giving massages, holding hands, binging shows together, helping each other with the chores, washing dishes together, cooking together, and cuddling. 

This improves your emotional bond, which could be just what you need to get the fire of passion burning again.

7) Get him checked up

If your man has experienced a sudden drop in libido that has been persistent, it may be due to an underlying health issue. 

He should speak with a doctor about getting his blood pressure, blood sugar, and hormones checked.

8) Go for counseling

If the issues in your relationship are beyond what you can handle on your own, you should consider couple’s counseling.

During counseling sessions, you’ll have a safe space where you can explore the issues in your relationship with a trained counselor. 

Having this neutral third party can help provide you with an objective perspective to put you two back on the right track.

9) Know when to leave the relationship

While the issue can be resolved in some cases, accepting the reality of your relationship and moving on is sometimes the best course of action.

You don’t have to stay around to feel rejected all the time if he doesn’t want you anymore. 

Infidelity and emotional abuse are things that should never be tolerated. 

Even though it can be difficult to break the attachment and move on, you owe it to yourself to quit settling for the scraps of his interest and affection. 

Love yourself enough to leave if you see all the telltale signs that he no longer wants you sexually and there is no way to save the relationship.  

Conclusion

When a guy is no longer sexually attracted to you, there are some signs he will give off e.g., increased interest in other pursuits, avoiding the topic of intimacy, and keeping sex as brief as possible.

From low testosterone levels to body image and stress, there are several reasons why a man’s sexual interest in you may be reduced. 

There are also many things you can do to combat these issues and rekindle the spark in your relationship. 

They include communicating and flirting more, engaging in non-sexual acts of intimacy, and going for counseling.

Explore More

What To Do If Low Sex Drive Is Ruining Your Relationship.