Sex After Birth: How Long To Wait & Tips To Reduce Pain

The period after giving birth is a stressful time for most mothers. 

You may be breastfeeding round the clock, changing diapers often, and surviving on minimal sleep. 

At this time, sex after birth is typically the last thing on your mind, which is entirely normal.

But the desire to have sex will come back at some point, and you may have lots of questions floating around your head. 

When is it safe to start having sex after childbirth? What will it feel like? Will it hurt?

In this article, we answer all these questions and more. We tell you everything you need to know about having intercourse after birth. 

Tips for safe sex after childbirth

Here are some tips to reduce discomfort during sex after pregnancy:

1) Kegel exercises

The pressure of a growing baby during pregnancy and the force of bearing down during vaginal delivery can stretch your pelvic floor muscles and make them weaker. 

These muscles support your womb, bladder, small intestines, and rectum.

Pelvic floor weakness may make your vagina feel “looser.” Regular Kegel exercises can help strengthen these muscles. Doing squats may also be beneficial. 

If needed, speak with your healthcare provider about a referral to a pelvic floor specialist for extra help. 

A stronger pelvic floor may also help if you’re experiencing urinary incontinence.

2) Experiment with positions 

Try out different sex positions to find which ones work best for you. Positions where you are on top or lying on your side may ease discomfort because they put less pressure on your lower abdomen. 

This may be especially helpful post-caesarean section. 

These positions also give you more control over the depth, angle, and speed of penetration – which is helpful if you’ve had vaginal tears or an episiotomy.

Openly communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t. 

Doing this plus experimenting are the keys to finding positions that work well for you.

3) Use lube or moisturizers

After delivery, your estrogen levels drop to pre-pregnancy levels. If you are breastfeeding exclusively, they may drop even lower than that. 

Low estrogen levels may lead to vaginal dryness and decreased elasticity of the vaginal walls.

Applying vaginal lube before sex can help combat friction and ease pain caused by vaginal dryness. 

Vaginal moisturizers are another option that you can use. 

If these don’t work for you, you may need hormonal products like estrogen cream. Speak with your doctor to get their recommendations and personalized advice.

4) Pain medications

If you are experiencing pain despite using lubricants and trying out various positions, you should speak with your doctor. 

They may recommend some pain medications like Tylenol and Advil, which you can take before sex. 

They can also examine you to see if there is another cause of the pain, such as an unrepaired tear, a tear that was sutured too tightly, or an infection.

5) Take care of your breasts

Breastfeeding can make your breasts feel swollen and sensitive. Your nipples may also be quite sore and leak breast milk occasionally.

You can try pumping out the breast milk or feeding your baby before intercourse to reduce the feeling of fullness and prevent leakage. 

Another option is to wear a nursing bra or tank top while having sex. 

You could also discuss with your partner about keeping your breasts off limits if they are very tender.

What can you do sexually after pregnancy?

Some women experience a boost in their libido soon after delivery. 

While healthcare workers advise against penetrative sex for up to six weeks post-delivery, other forms of sexual activity are generally considered safe if they don’t affect the healing process. 

These include:

• oral sex
• nipple stimulation
• mutual masturbation
• vaginal massage

Note that if you had an episiotomy or a vaginal tear that needed suturing, you need to be careful with the area around your stitches. 

It is best to allow the area to heal entirely before manipulating it with fingers or a sex toy.

In case you had a cesarean section, it is best to wait for at least four weeks to allow healing of the stitches on your uterus. 

Having an orgasm from any form of sexual activity can cause your uterus to contract and may increase the risk of the stitches getting disrupted.

You can speak with your doctor if you are having strong sexual urges before six weeks postpartum. 

If you have healed completely and have no complications, they may give you the go-ahead to resume intercourse sooner than the generally recommended time.

How long after giving birth can you have sex?

Healthcare workers generally recommend that you wait up to six weeks after giving birth vaginally to resume having sex.

If you had vaginal tears or an episiotomy that needed surgical repair, you may need even more time to heal. The same goes for having a cesarean section.

Be sure to speak with your doctor about this during your post-delivery appointments. They are familiar with your medical history and will be able to give you a more personalized recommendation.

That aside, how long you wait to have sex after delivery is up to you. 

In addition to the physical factors, emotional factors are important. 

If you do not feel ready for sex six weeks after birth, you are not alone, and there is nothing to feel guilty about. 

Communicate with your partner about it. Don’t rush things. 

What happens if you don’t wait 6 weeks postpartum for sex?

One of the main risks of having sex too soon after giving birth is an increased infection risk. 

As your womb heals, it is vulnerable to infection – particularly in the area where the placenta was attached. 

Any object inserted into your vagina (be it a penis, finger, tampon, or sex toy) may introduce bacteria that could travel up to your womb.

Also, if you had a tear or an episiotomy, sexual intercourse may affect the healing process.

Is it safe to have an orgasm after giving birth?

If you’ve had a vaginal delivery, there aren’t restrictions on when you can start having orgasms after birth. 

The restrictions are only on how you achieve those orgasms. As earlier mentioned, it is generally recommended that women don’t have penetrative sex till six weeks post-delivery.

As long as you are getting your orgasm from external stimulation after vaginal birth, it is likely safe. 

But remember that if you had an episiotomy or vaginal tear, you need to allow the area to heal before any stimulation.

If you had a cesarean section, it is best to avoid orgasms for the recommended six weeks postpartum to prevent disruption of the stitches on your uterus. 

If you experience heavy vaginal bleeding or severe lower abdominal pain after having an orgasm soon after a C-section, seek medical advice immediately.

How to cope with sexual frustration after childbirth

A drop in libido is a common experience after birth. Apart from hormonal levels changing, there are lots of factors that may contribute to this decreased libido. 

For instance, there may be stress and fatigue from staying up late to take care of your baby, battling with accepting changes to your body, etc. 

Discomfort during sex can also put some women off having sex after birth despite having a desire to do so.

Experiencing any of these things can lead to feelings of sexual frustration for both you and your partner. Here are some ways to rekindle the spark:

1) Communicate

One key to rebuilding intimacy is having open and non-confrontational conversations. Deep and vulnerable conversations, in themselves, are a form of intimacy. 

2) Try other forms of intimacy

Intimacy doesn’t always have to mean having sex. Holding hands, cuddling, giving each other massages, and having long kisses are all ways to express affection.

Until you are ready to go back to having sexual intercourse, speak with your partner about maintaining intimacy in other ways postpartum. 

3) Add intimacy to your schedule

With the baby around, it can be difficult to find time to be intimate. So, add it to your schedule! And be smart about it. 

If you realize that you’re both always too exhausted by the end of the night to do anything but sleep, try setting time aside during the day to be intimate with each other.

Talking over dinner, hopping in the shower together, and making out right after you wake up – while the baby is asleep – are all ways to keep the fire burning.

4) Spice things up

Switching things up might just be what you need to reignite the passion. Try having sex in places other than the bedroom. 

Discuss and explore each other’s sexual fantasies. Experiment with new positions and sex toys.

How soon after giving birth can you get pregnant?

It is possible to get pregnant within a month or two of having a baby – even before seeing your period again for the first time after delivery. This may come as a surprise to you.

You may have heard that breastfeeding is a “natural” form of birth control, and you can’t get pregnant while exclusively breastfeeding your baby. This is not completely true.

When breastfeeding, your body produces a hormone called prolactin. This hormone suppresses ovulation, reducing your chances of getting pregnant. 

Studies have shown that breastfeeding can be up to 98% effective at preventing pregnancy – when done properly. For this method to be effective, however, you must:

• Be less than six months post-delivery.
• Breastfeed exclusively (not using formula or other foods along with breastmilk).
• Not be menstruating.

Unfortunately, only around 1 in 4 women practice this method properly, so it is not a reliable form of birth control.

FAQs

How does giving birth affect sex and intimacy?

Your body changes tremendously during and after pregnancy. This can cause sex to feel different after you give birth. 

One study found that up to 83% of women experienced issues with sex within the first three months of their first delivery. Up to 64% of them still had issues three months after that.

Some changes that occur post-delivery that may affect sexual intercourse include:

• Vaginal soreness
• Vaginal dryness
• Decreased elasticity of vaginal tissue
• Excessive vaginal discharge
• Nipple soreness and breast discomfort
• Backaches, joint pain, and general body pain
• Pain around the incision site (in case of C-section)
• Vaginal bleeding
• Decreased libido

What does sex feel like for a woman after birth?

Regardless of the type of delivery you had, you will need time to heal and may experience some pain after pregnancy.

A vaginal birth may be associated with tears or an episiotomy. Both can lead to acute and chronic pain during intercourse as a result of healing initially and scarring later. 

If you had a C-section, you may experience pain around the incision site.

Due to hormonal changes, you may also experience vaginal dryness and pain after both vaginal deliveries and C-sections.

The good news is that most women only experience these changes temporarily. If symptoms persist for several months and continue to interfere with your sex life, you should speak with your doctor.

What does sex feel like for a man after birth?

If your partner has vaginal dryness, there is an increased risk of getting friction burns without the use of lubricants. 

Apart from that, on a physical level, sex typically feels the same for men as it did before their partner gave birth.

Some men may experience emotional disturbances after their baby is born. Their libidos can also take a hit as a result of fatigue, stress, or fear of hurting their partner after watching her give birth.  

Is bleeding during sex normal postpartum?

During the weeks immediately after delivery, you’ll experience some amount of bleeding regularly. 

This blood, called lochia, is normal after both vaginal and cesarean deliveries. It occurs because the body has to remove the blood, mucus, and tissue that was produced for your baby during pregnancy. 

You may see lochia for four to six weeks after delivery. If you have sex before lochia clears up, you may trigger some discharge of lochia.

Also, as we previously mentioned, your vagina may become drier and less elastic postpartum. This increases the risk of tears and injury during sex, which could lead to bleeding.

If you experience mild bleeding during sex, you may just need to give it time, and the bleeding will subside. But it is always safer to check in with your doctor.

This is especially important if bleeding during sex doesn’t stop within six weeks if it is very heavy, or if you also experience fever, chills, nausea, and dizziness. 

You may have a tear or an infection that needs treatment before you start having sex again.

How long does it take for your body to go back to normal after birth?

Like every woman’s pregnancy and delivery experience is unique, every postpartum recovery experience is different.

How quickly you recover depends on various factors, including your age, overall health, type of delivery you had, whether you experienced pregnancy complications or not, etc. 

Most women feel somewhat recovered within six to eight weeks after delivery. But full recovery can take several months to years.

How long does it take for your cervix to close after birth?

The uterus typically returns to its normal size within six to eight weeks. The cervix usually closes back up during this time frame.

Are you more fertile after having a baby?

There is currently no evidence that having a baby makes you more fertile or increases your chances of conception in the future.

Conclusion

• Taking time to recover and heal after you give birth is important. It is generally recommended that you wait for at least six weeks before having sex after birth. 
• Some changes can occur after delivery that may affect your sex life. These include vaginal dryness, weakened pelvic floor muscles, and decreased libido. 
• These changes are generally temporary. But, solutions you can try out while they last include the use of lube and Kegel exercises.
• If you have further questions about the postpartum period and sex during this time, please reach out to your doctor.

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