It’s not about mindset or an attitude towards sex life. Regardless of many different factors, things usually change in bed after 50 years of age.
In some cases, sexual life changes start before that time or a bit after 50. But in most cases, men and women experience a reduction in sexual drive, also known as libido.
What is happening to them? Let’s say it is a natural part of aging. If that’s the case, what’s the advantage -if any- about reducing your sexual drive? And, does that mean that you will not enjoy sex as you did when you were younger?
Join me in this article to find out the answer to all of these questions and more.
How does sex change with age?
There are several biological influences that respond to age and other age-related conditions. Most of them modulate our sexual desire, the motivational force that drives sexual behavior. So, let’s briefly review how does sex change with age and other age-related factors (1):
- Age: Your age is a likely determinant of your sexual drive, which is a well-researched fact. Both men and women start having a decline in sexual behavior as they age. Their highest levels are usually found in adolescence, and it declines in older age. This decline in sexual behavior is often accompanied by a reduction in sexual desire, too. But according to other authors, age by itself is not a determinant of loss of sexual interest. They mention that older adults are still interested in sex when they are not affected by poor health. So, it all depends on how we conceptualize sexual desire and how people feel physically and emotionally.
- Hormonal changes: This is probably one of the most important biological factors for sexual behavior. Studies suggest that sexual hormones potentially trigger sexual desire. Androgens and estrogens play a significant role in activating sexual desire and helping us enjoy intercourse. They change our behaviors, impulses, and other biological aspects of our genitalia. As the name implies, sexual hormones trigger sexual activity and make it enjoyable. In both men and women, they experience a significant decline after a certain age.
- Physical health: Not feeling well reduces our sexual drive regardless of our age. In older adults, chronic disorders also have a negative impact on their sexual function. Some chronic diseases such as diabetes and cardiovascular disease disrupt critical physiological mechanisms for reproduction.
For example, patients with atherosclerosis and past myocardial infarctions usually have a lower sexual drive. Their libido reductions can be mild (around 10%) or very severe (up to 70%). Diabetes affects circulation and peripheral nerves. As such, sexual desire is usually involved as the disease continues to progress. Arthritis causes disability, discomfort, and pain during sexual intercourse. Prostate cancer and its therapy can potentially cause sexual dysfunction. In general, fragile health compromises sexual life, a fact not only reserved for older adults. - Medications: Some prescription drugs have erectile dysfunction and other sexual problems as a side effect. For example, some anti-hypertensive medications and several antidepressants cause a reduction in libido. These side effects are much more common in older adults in contrast to younger patients. You might want to talk to your doctor about it if your sexual health is starting to cause problems. But even if you suspect that your medication is the trigger, do not stop taking it without a recommendation from your healthcare provider.
- Psychological influences: In many cases, biological changes do not explain low sexual drive in older adults. Psychological effects play a significant role in these cases. This includes our expectations, attitudes, sexual knowledge, and past experiences. There’s a youth-oriented sexual culture that equates a youthful body with sex appeal. The emphasis on reproduction in some cultures is another important factor. They are both contributors to negative attitudes toward sex in older adults.
Sex is a cultural construct made of attitudes, beliefs, and expectations that sometimes minimize the value of the intimate relationship in older people. Thus, older adults tend to withdraw from this type of behavior, even more if they have other factors mentioned above. - Relational influences: The death or absence of a spouse or husband usually leads to a complete cessation of sexual intimacy. This happens to a more significant proportion of women who become disinterested in sex when they do not have a sexual partner during this age. But even couples have relational problems, especially monotony, in their sexual intercourse. Predictability is one of the enemies of sexual intimacy in couples who stay together for many years. It contributes to a gradual loss in sexual desire as habituation takes place. Marital unhappiness is another common cause of loss of sexual desire. A negative attitude towards one’s partner turns into a potential cause of disinterest, especially in women.
Most of us know that sexual behavior is different in males and females. So, as the last part of this section, let’s evaluate each of them and their differences.
Men
One of the first things we need to evaluate when distinguishing between men and women is their hormones. As mentioned above, they play a significant role in sexual behavior.
Men do not experience menopause as women do, but they do have a decline in testosterone levels. This reduction starts by age 40 years old and continues to go down after 70 years old. After these years, men would typically reduce their testosterone levels by 30%.
Testosterone has a significant role in erectile function, libido, energy during intercourse, and enjoyment of senior sex. Thus, males with very low levels of this hormone display a significant reduction in their sexual behavior.
Unlike women, men only have testosterone as their sexual hormone. Thus, a reduction of androgen levels causes significant differences in how we perceive sex. In the process, it also causes a series of metabolic and psychological changes.
For example, lower energy levels, a higher predisposition to gain weight, and osteoporosis. That’s why, in these cases, doctors evaluate each particular case and sometimes recommend hormone replacement therapy (1).
Women
As noted above, hormones are different in men and women. Thus, they are one crucial biological factor to evaluate to understand their sexual changes. In women, there is a significant reduction in hormone production after 50 years. Postmenopausal women have a complete or almost complete depletion of estradiol production. This leads to a series of changes in their genitals, as mentioned above.
More specifically, women with low estrogen levels undergo atrophic changes in vaginal tissue (vaginal atrophy). Vaginal lubrication reduces significantly, and this compromises their ability to enjoy sex.
Vaginal dryness causes discomfort and, sometimes, significant pain during intercourse. This compromises sexual desire. But according to several studies, at this stage, women can still increase their sexual desire by their circulating levels of testosterone created in the adrenal glands.
So, it is not because they are meant to dislike sex after 50 or a certain age. Instead, it is an interplay of the above factors, including not knowing how to enjoy sex as they usually did (1).
Does aging necessarily mean a lower sex drive?
There are many views and answers to the same question. For example, some people wonder why humans do not reproduce after old age from an evolutionary point of view.
In other species, individuals reproduce until they die, but not us. Is there an evolutionary advantage? And the answer is yes, probably. Studies show that a living grandma increases the rate of survival in small children.
Caring for human children is more challenging than other species. Thus, nature has reduced our reproduction rate to facilitate the process of growing human children. But reproduction is not the same as sexual drive. As mentioned above, we can still enjoy sex as older adults without aiming for new offspring.
Yes, aging is associated with a reduction of sexual drive. But it is not a direct relationship, and there are exceptions to the rule. The results of the studies are different depending on the author’s concepts of sexual drive. But other factors have a stronger relationship. For example, hormonal changes, medications, physical health, and psychological factors.
Thus, the correct answer to this question would be “it depends.” On what?
It depends on the couple’s physical health, lifestyle, and beliefs about sex after aging. It also depends on their chronic diseases, medications, and circulating sex hormones (1).
But even in the most adverse conditions, older adults can regain their sexual behavior. They can overcome the obstacles mentioned above and enjoy their intimacy.
Tips to improve your sex life in your 50’s and beyond
What can we recommend to men and women who are struggling to enjoy sex as they usually did? Here’s a list of tips and recommendations you can try or discuss with your doctor:
- Don’t be afraid to engage in sexual activity: First off, this recommendation is evident if you reviewed the obstacles listed above. Some older adults think that sexuality in older age is not normal or not recommended. Some of them stigmatize the concept and create their own boundaries. But you don’t need to be afraid of sexual activity. It won’t affect your morality and will not hurt you if you take safety measures. Even sex with new partners is allowed after 50 years old. You only need to practice safe sex if that’s the case. Remember that you’re not immune to sexually transmitted diseases.
- Find solutions if you feel pain or discomfort: Pain and discomfort are probably the most common reasons why couples stop having sex after this time. But you can have more sexual satisfaction with lubrication and foreplay. You can enjoy your sexual experience if you use vaginal moisturizers, and you also have vaginal dilators. They work great when an older woman has not had sexual encounters for a long while (3).
- Experience with different positions: After a certain age, muscles and articulation problems may become an obstacle to enjoying sex. But you can try new positions with less stress on your musculoskeletal system. For example, you can still try the missionary position with a pillow under the back to make it more comfortable. When the female is on top, she can control penetration and control vaginal discomfort. Standing positions are also recommended for good sex instead of being on your hands and knees.
- Remember that foreplay is also important: As noted above, habituation is one of the enemies of established couples. You can turn around this problem by giving more importance to foreplay. Before penetration, appropriate foreplay also contributes to lubrication. It is also an excellent way to strengthen sex appeal in couples.
- Stop seeing penetrative sex as the only alternative: Many alternatives do not involve penetrative sex. They are often tagged as wrong or perverse, but this is only a social construct you want to overcome. (4).
- Consider hormone replacement therapy: In some cases, hormone replacement therapy is the best solution for sexual problems. This is particularly the case in older men with low levels of testosterone. They also have other symptoms such as low energy levels and sometimes osteoporosis. That’s why hormone replacement therapy is sometimes not an option. Talk to your doctor if you think this is your case (5).
- Use natural solutions and aphrodisiacs: Many natural solutions may also increase your testosterone levels and work as aphrodisiacs. For example, boron supplements, ginger, fenugreek, Tribulus Terrestris, and Ashwagandha. They are handy if you don’t have extremely low testosterone levels and just want a little push forward (6).
Conclusion
Sexual pleasure in older couples should not be taboo. They can still enjoy great sex after midlife, and there’s nothing wrong with it.
There are certain obstacles to sexual relations in older adults. They may not practice regular sex because of their health problems or may reduce sexual arousal due to certain medications. In some cases, they have psychological or relational factors interfering with their sexual relations. But there’s usually a complex interplay of factors that contribute to a reduction of sexual drive.
But regardless of your age, you can regain a healthy sex life by following a few tips and recommendations. For example, you can use more lubrication or a vaginal dilator. In some cases, it may be appropriate to consider non-penetrative sex as another choice.
It is also essential to give more importance to foreplay and other creative ways to overcome habituation and monotony. A sex therapist would be appropriate if you have further problems and challenging obstacles to overcome.
Explore More
